Lost In You
by IceFire
Summary: ~Slash~ A rather fluffy angst-ish Hobbitslash. Hobbiton, Pre-LOTR, and a pairing you'd almost never expect! Under 'General' because it's got a bit of everything. PG for slash, please R&R! ~Part 2 is up: POV of our favorite blue-eyed Ringbearer!~
1. Lost In You

Disclaimer:  I do not own Merry, Frodo, or Estella.  Pansy was my own creation, but that's about it!  Oh, and the song is 'Lost In You' by Sugar Cult, so credit goes to whoever wrote that!

Dedication: For my good friend Basilisk.  ::grin:: Cheered up yet?

Warnings: Slash (Merry/Frodo) and, on that note, I guess technically incest since they are cousins in some distant, roundabout way.

A/N: Do not ask me how I came up with this, because I haven't a clue.  I am very grateful to whatever muse gave me the plotbunny though, as this is, in my opinion, one of my more amusing fics.  Anyways, this takes place pre-LOTR.  It's all Merry's thoughts, in case you can't tell.  After every song lyric except the last one, the time period switches.  It's easier to understand after you've read it.  I'm rather proud of this piece, enjoy!

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Please tell me I didn't just see what I thought I saw, Frodo…I didn't.  But why do I care?  Pansy's nice, rather pretty I suppose.  You can like her, I'm your cousin, I'm supportive of these things.  But to come across you two in _our_ spot by Crickhollow…I would've thought better.  Now, why am I dwelling over how no matter how nice Estella's eyes are, they aren't yours…Ah, insert mental slap here.  I don't think like this…why would I be thinking something like _that_?

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Six days went by   
Trying to forget her face  
It was you and I  
We were too young for these games

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So, a week later, and I've still got you on the brain.  Wonderful, just marvelous.  But Frodo, you had to take her there?  We have such marvelous memories of that place.  Like that one time we went down there with Pip and Fatty and Folco.  But they all went home early, so it was just you and me.  Just you and me.  And then there was that time you fell out of the tree and fell right on top of me.  I could've sworn I was going to kiss you.  You look adorable with your hair all messy and your eyes sparkling…So close, so close and yet so far.  I couldn't breathe for a minute there.  You've got the nicest eyes, such a pretty shade of blue, and up close they're breathtaking. 

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And all the pictures that I kept  
And all the things I should have said  
It was you and I  
But mostly me

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Ridiculous, no?  _Me_ wanting to _kiss you_.  Honestly.  Why would I want to do that?  We just laughed about it, joking about how good it was that I was there to break your fall.  If that's my reward, I'll always be there to break your fall…as long as I can lose myself in your eyes like I did then…

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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So…maybe I did want to kiss you…but…still….That couldn't happen.  _We_ couldn't happen.  You've got Pansy, and Estella's rather pretty…black curly hair, blue eyes…uncanny resemblance to you, Frodo.

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Six weeks went by  
Still pretending that I'm fine  
It was you and I  
Holding back what's on our minds

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Still with Pansy, I hear.  You don't come visit me anymore Frodo…why?  You're still my _cousin_, and I thought you were still my friend.  You were my best friend…better than Pippin or any of the others.  Did I ever tell you how much you mean to me?  I've written letters upon letters…I sound like a lovesick hobbitlass.  No, I'm happy for you.  Honest.  But it hurts to think you're ignoring me.

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All the things I should have said  
All the letters left unsent  
It was you and I  
But mostly me

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You don't hate me, do you?  Do you?  No…you couldn't…You're just caught up is all.  You're not in love, are you Frodo?  Pansy's pretty I suppose, with her curly golden-brown hair and brown eyes.  Frankly, I'm lost, dear cousin.  Oh so very lost.  You can't be in love, there's no way.  You aren't.  Because I think I'd die if you were in love with anyone but me…

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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Ha! That's a laugh! Ted Sandyman said he walked in on you and Pansy kissing in _our_ tree.  You wouldn't do that there.  You wouldn't do that to me.  That would be almost sacrilegious.  To do that in our private spot…no.  You _couldn't_.  That wouldn't be the Frodo Baggins I know and…love.  I don't even think I know you anymore.  You've changed.  Become…different, somehow.  I don't feel betrayed.  Ridiculous.  Why would I feel betrayed?

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Six months went by  
I almost forgot your face  
Until they played that song tonight  
The one we used to hate

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There's someone coming up the road now, in a cart with squeaky wheels.  Remember how we used to laugh at carts like that?  And how annoying we thought they were?  Someone's laughing out there, at least if I'm not happy somebody is.  Their laugh sounds like yours.  And now I can hear the wagon rolling away.  Squeak, creak, squeak.  Footsteps…I wonder who could be coming…

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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Kill me of shock, why don't you?  To open the door and find you standing there…What did you just say?  I've never been so happy to hear myself called a fool.  You and Pansy are over?  That's sad.  What was wrong with her?!  To leave a hobbit like you…she must have been blind.  You left her?!  Why?  No…you're kidding, right.  You must be.  Don't kid me like this Frodo, it's not nice.  You're not kidding, are you.  No, if you can kiss me like this, you must not be kidding.  What?  I didn't say for you to _stop_ kissing me!  I can die happy now…I love you too, Frodo.

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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A/N: I can do a sequel if asked…or just different POV's…this was _fun _to write! Like?  Dislike? Review!  


	2. And I Can't Find Myself Again

Disclaimer: Merry Brandybuck, Frodo Baggins, Estella Bolger, and all places belong to Tolkien.  Pansy was created as a tool of my sadistic mind to cause Hobbit jealousy (mwahaha) and the mental picture of Frodo falling out of a tree and onto Merry is my gift to the world!

A/N: See chapter 1 for dedication and warning.  Due to requests, I posted Frodo's POV.  Let it never be said I do not grant reviewers' wishes!  This uses the same song as chapter 1 because it was written at the same time and I couldn't decide which one to post; plus it makes it easier to figure out what's going on.  Tons of thanks to all those who reviewed – keep the feedback coming!

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Hobbitlasses are funny creatures.  I don't think I like them very much.  I shouldn't say that, Pansy would kill me.  She's so persistent.  'I want to go everywhere you go with your friends, Frodo!'  Honestly.  I didn't _want_ to have to take her up to our spot by Crickhollow.  Were you there, Merry?  I thought I saw you for a minute there…but you were crying…why would you be crying?

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Six days went by   
Trying to forget her face  
It was you and I  
We were too young for these games

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I really didn't want to take her there, honest.  It seemed…_wrong_.  My memories of that tree have no place for her in them.  I can still remember when I fell out of the tree and landed on you.  And that moment when our eyes locked…I thought I'd nearly died and gone to heaven.  You've got such nice, warm brown eyes…

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And all the pictures that I kept  
And all the things I should have said  
It was you and I  
But mostly me

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If you weren't there I could've gotten pretty hurt.  That was a _long_ fall, cousin of mine.  But you were there.  You're always there when I need you, always there to break my fall.  What would I do without you?  

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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Don't get me wrong, I like Pansy and all.  Pretty, curly golden-brown hair…brown eyes just like yours…Pippin says she looks just like you would if you were a girl.  What foolish cousins I've got.  He tells me that I'm just upset because I can't have you and so I go for the next best thing.  Ha…

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Six weeks went by  
Still pretending that I'm fine  
It was you and I  
Holding back what's on our minds

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Folco says you're sad because I never go visit you.  I want to…I wish I could…there's really no reason I can't.  Well unless you count how improper it would be for me to jump you right in the doorway of Buckland.  Wait, I did _not_ just think that.  I didn't.  I don't want you like that.  Silly me.  But I don't want to _hurt_ you, not at all.  Maybe I'll write you a letter.  No.  I'd sound ridiculous.  That wouldn't work.  Guess I'll just stick with Pansy then…she's not that bad, I suppose.

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All the things I should have said  
All the letters left unsent  
It was you and I  
But mostly me

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I don't love her though.  I don't know why she thinks I do.  I'm only 48, it's not like I could make up my mind about something like _that_.  Although I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that I am in love.  But it's not with her…

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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This is _unbelievable_.  Pansy _kissed_ me.  In _our_ tree!  I knew I never should have taken her there.  That's just…not right.  The only one who would be able to kiss me in that tree is…you…Anyone else is the ultimate form of betrayal.  Elbereth, if anyone saw and you found out…I don't want to imagine what it would do to you…and would that would do to me…

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Six months went by  
I almost forgot your face  
Until they played that song tonight  
The one we used to hate

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Farmer Maggot just stopped by.  Says he's on his way to Crickhollow and asked if I wanted to hop on.  I was going to say no, but the wheels of his cart started squeaking.  Remember that time we sat by the edge of the road and threw bits of grass at any cart with squeaky wheels?  I still hate those, you know.  Do you?  I guess I'll find out soon enough.  Please open the door Merry…please…

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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I can't tell if you look happy or sad to see me.  Of course I don't want you to die of shock!  What kind of hobbit do you think I am?  Silly fool, of course I'm not mad at you.  Don't look so confused, cousin.  Although…you do look attractive when you're confused…Pansy?  Who's Pansy? Oh…her…it's through.  That tree incident…I couldn't take it anymore.  Of course I'm not kidding!  Don't look so flustered…I might kiss you.  Sorry, I take that back.  I _will_ kiss you.  Now you look confused again…me stopping is that upsetting?  You know I love you, right Merry?

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Lost in you   
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again

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A/N: There you go, the POV of our beloved Ringbearer with the gorgeous blue eyes!  And that was indeed very fun to write.  Would anyone like a third installment from 3rd person?  It might help clear things up a little, and it wouldn't have a song.  I promise.  ^_^

Like?  Dislike?  Constructive crit (my personal favorite)?  Review!


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